Each of us gets our turn dealing with someone who made plans and then the morning of or the night before texts you to cancel. In order to understand the situation you need to ask yourself three questions:
- Is this the first time it happened?
- Who made the plans?
- What was the reason for the cancellation?
- Is this the first time?
As to question 1: If it is the first time, anything could be the case. Perhaps the other person does not feel comfortable enough to spend one-on-one time with you. It could be that something unavoidable occurred. The person could have forgotten another commitment (in which case it’s a good sign of integrity).
If it’s not the first time then this is a bigger problem. Perhaps you are the back-up plan. Perhaps the other person really doesn’t care for your company and prefers not to be alone.
As to question 2: If you made the plans, and were hoping to change a ‘friend’ relationship into something more, I cannot blame you for trying, but the other person may not feel the same way. That is not really a problem, not all of our feelings towards others are mutual (although it would be an interesting world if that were the case).
If the other person made the plans, then you have a bigger problem. That person may enjoy your company, but you are maybe a back-up plan for the person so he or she does not have to spend time alone. This kind of person is a fairweather friend. Know that given your relationship you are not important to this person’s social life. It does not mean her or she cannot make a good friend, just not a dependable one.
As to question 3: If the person had a good reason, and this happened more than once, then continue as normal. As life goes, ‘you’ may be the person who is canceling in the near future. Even with last-minute notice, you have to be lenient. However, if it is in the form of a text, remove 80% (Pareto principle) from the credibility. If this person cared about you or your feelings and was sincere, he or she would most likely feel bad about canceling and express that sincerity with a phone call. However, if it is a text, it is easier to get away with; do not call the person to discuss it.
The person may be one of these ‘bigger, better, faster’ -type people. He or she may be the type of person who will make all sorts of plans, let you go through all of the trouble that it takes to prepare for the day, and then if something better comes along, you are forgotten. Regrettably, in today’s society, where people have discovered how much negative behavior they can display to another person and have no repercussions, pushing the envelope becomes a way of life. Welcome to the world, better finding out now than later. This type of person may make a very good friend (although undependable) but even if you were what she or he was looking for, someone better can always be out there, so enjoy every minute while it lasts.
As to question 4: If this is the first time, almost everything is forgivable once. However, pay attention, and you can predict the future. If it was a text, this will most likely happen again, unless of course, it was a text with a very good reason or explanation.
If you can pay attention to all of the details you will discover you will understand the future behavior of people, but more importantly, you will know your meaning/relationship to them.