The first date can often make or break the future of a relationship in mere minutes. The dating rules have changed. The stakes are high…there are many fine people chasing that one good catch you meet. Let’s understand the dynamics of first dates so you can be better armed.
1. The Late Date.
In today’s dating world, which is very much ‘me’ based, this is a telling situation. If the person texted you, took account your situation (i.e. I am sorry you have to wait for me I will be there as soon as I can), then you can obviously let it go. On the other hand, if there is no text, no call, and no communication, move on. It’s a good practice to wait 15 minutes with no communication, however, beyond that you are sending out the message that you have little respect for yourself…so why should they have it? You should, at the very least ask some questions to make sure you are not the one making the mistake. Once you are certain, you know where the door is, a polite good-bye is in order (don’t text it as he or she would have).
2. Your Date Mentions He or She is Seeing Other People.
This is not something new; telling you is! Many people date several people at one time for a variety of reasons. Some people like the thrill of new sex; others are just getting to know a number of persons simultaneously to save time in finding the right one sooner. On the one hand, it is great that the person is honest with you. On the other hand, you have to consider how serious that person is about meeting the right person and having a relationship. It would be a shame for you to put your heart into the situation only to find out later that a relationship was never a possibility. In this type of a situation it is best to ask what the person has in mind so you don’t let go of a good catch because your feelings are hurt or you jumped to conclusions.
3. Your Date Does Not Want to Accept Your Point of View on Anything.
Some people thrive on drama. If you do, this might be good for you. If you don’t, then reconsider. No two people will agree on everything. The factor that distinguishes a personality type is how the disagreements are handled. Nothing states you two have to agree, but it does not mean that you cannot understand the other person’s position, perhaps reflect on it, and even comment on it. However, if a person is simply stating that they are always right, that you should do what he or she wants, and that is the way it is, you are setting yourself up for a relationship filled with sleepless nights and an unrested mind. Forget how great he or she looks, x-ray the insides!
4. The First Thing Your Date Informs You of is How Tired He or She is.
Really? If a date is not important to a person then they should probably stay at home. Of course, there will be times that unexpected things happen and, of course, they take their toll. They, do, however, merit a full explanation. Absent that situation, the person is really telling you that they are not excited at the thought of being with you or they don’t take dating all that seriously, and for them, time with a new person really does not have that much meaning. Don’t bail without asking a few poignant questions, as you always have to leave room for human error…yours.
5. The Person Puts You Down a Lot.
Regrettably, school is not the last time you will deal with bullies, in one form or another. In today’s world, where lack of self-esteem is more common than ever, it is a sad commentary that you will find a lot of the abuse in the dating world coming from people who themselves have been abused. One would think they would be the least likely to hurt you, but the reverse is true. Our research has demonstrated that a lot of the people who seem to callously hurt others the most are those who have been hurt themselves. The reason for this is that when they were growing up they identified with their parents…and if the parent who abused them was the one they identified with…the answer is there.
We hope these hints help you in your future dating life. The best thing you can do for your dating life is not just finding the right person, but avoiding the wrong one!!
Relationships 901 is a 6-hour program produced to help you overcome relationship issues in a week. Authored by globally-known, high-level negotiator Steven Riznyk, it demonstrates, through actual event footage, how people behave when challenged. It uses conflict resolution methods created by Mr. Ryznik who has successfully resolved kidnappings, extortion, and a host of business and marital issues. Learn more about our relationship program here